Melinda Penman

Winner of our Top 5 Poets of June 2005 Online Competition

I was brought up in the sleepy, but picturesque town of Monmouth in the Wye Valley, taking a lot of interest in reading, singing, playing music and writing from an early age.

I began writing poetry seriously in 1981, when my English teacher spotted and encouraged my talent!

I spent my latter schooldays writing alternative lyrics to chart hits, limericks about the teachers and Valentine verses for my peers (for them to send, you understand!).

In 1987 I saw one of my poems published in a fanzine of the Welsh rock band, The Alarm.

In February 1988, aged 19, whilst working at the local primary school as a classroom assistant, as my contribution to Comic Relief I wrote and sung 2 comedy songs for the kids. They were astounded, bewildered and highly amused by the fact that "Miss" could dress up, play the guitar, sing, write, and make people laugh all at the same time!!!

By 1989, I had progressed to working on a project for radio, writing the scripts for and voicing a children’s magazine programme.

During the ‘90s I was busy being a full-time Mum, so the writing was put on the back-burner. My kids are now 14, 12 and 10, and I have been writing again since March ’04.

My family are a fantastic source of inspiration, and enthusiastically support my work. During Year 8’s Poetry Project, my youngest daughter’s class were asked to bring a book with their favourite poems to their English lesson. She promptly picked up my collections and took them to school! (And three of my poems were read to the class as part of the project!!!)

I am a member of Monmouthshire’s Enterprising Women (MONEW), a network of women comprising those aspiring to set up their own businesses, and those already well established. It was through this group that I built up the confidence to bite the bullet and submit my material for publication.

One Night Only!

This dress distress
Is making me stressed
I really want to look my best!
I’ve got nothing to wear
It’s just not fair
I really want to shine out there!

My wardrobe’s full
Of lots of clothes
Some are yes’s, most are no’s!
My day to day style’s
Just not right
I need something smart
For this special night!

I need something I can
Put my mark on
A little bit quirky
(Don’t mean to harp on!)
But I’m not used to
Dressing up like a girl
I’m a proper rock chick
In my rock chick world!

With stiletto heels
And something new
It’d better be worth it
This really posh do!
I need to remember
My etiquette
"Hey, no! I’m not dressed like this
For a bet!"

Had my lowlights done
And my hair’s all neat
It makes a change
To act sickly sweet!
I must behave
Don’t say one wrong word
Because sometimes it’s better
To be seen and not heard!

My rock chick image
Is now in tatters
To get back in my jeans
That’s all that matters!
But I quite enjoyed
Being a girl for a while
And being prettied up
With some feminine style!

Alternative Shakespeare

Forget about double, toil and trouble
We’re gonna make this cauldron bubble
With eyes of flies and tail of snake
"Into the pot!" This potion make

Add babies tears and mother’s milk
A touch of newly woven silk
Bats’ wings, frogs’ legs, tail of hare
(I think we’re nearly getting there)

Take some weed out of the pond
Mix it up with magic wand
A drop of whisky, special blend
An eyelash (one from your best friend)

Some cotton fibre, flakes of skin
Some Mother’s Ruin, Gordon’s gin
(Left over from that trip to France)
A dirty pair of underpants

The lyrics of a Westlife song
A fingernail, six inches long
Half a pint of gooey snot
One fluid ounce? That all you got?!

Some fluff out of your belly button
A slice of minted steak of mutton
Bella Donna (lots of that!)
The ribbon from your Grandma’s hat

And if that doesn’t make you sick
Add an inch of candle wick
Mix it in the cauldron filled
Then taste it, boiled or fried or grilled

Ground up molar, into powder
Add to bitter haddock chowder
Then add the tails of three blind mice
And stir it up, not once, but twice!

My spell is done, this is my potion
It’s tastier than baby lotion!
But if you die, then don’t blame me
I’d rather have a cup of tea!!!

Girltalk

That is so cool, I hate school
Get out my face you brat!
I didn’t swear! You don’t care!
Does this make me look fat?!

I hate your guts! You stupid klutz!
Don’t let him touch my stuff!
Get out my room! That’s out of tune!
My God…! You look rough!

My make-up’s run! Big fat bum!
I’m having a bad hair day!
My mates don’t care! That’s not fair!
I wish you’d go away!

Am I thick?! You make me sick!
Oh god, my life’s a bore!
We’ll stick together, friends forever
Yes please, I’ll have some more!

Did I say that?! Do I sing flat?!
Am I a drama queen?!
Chat, chat, chat, acrobat!
The best I’ve ever seen!

Broken bones, mobile phones
Me, myself and I!
Pants on fire! Push me higher!
Sweet as apple pie!

Double trouble! Burst your bubble!
Argue scream and shout!
Fantastic girls in a fantastic world
We couldn’t live without!

My Not-So-Secret Diary

Between the pages of this book
You’ll find some secrets if you look
In amongst the appointments
And all the days mundane events
My innermost thoughts, my secret dreams
My "Sometime Never", or so it seems
The "What I really want to do"
Instead of doing "stuff" for you
To climb a mountain, swim the sea
A great achievement, just for me
To write a book, to write a song
To have it published, what’s so wrong
In having dreams, in wanting more
Don’t want to be forever poor
I want this life to be a success
And not end up one great big mess
But if this way I carry on
Then all my chances will be gone
So this is what I’ll have to do
Branch out, and take up something new
Like parachute jumps, or scuba diving
Or fly a plane, or lorry driving
Outrageous, like I used to be
The old, and more exciting me
And then I might be more contented
And not feel like my ego’s dented…

Eagles’ Wings

To be free like an eagle;
To be strong; to gain respect
From my fellowmen.

I wish I was an eagle.

Independence.
That’s what I want. But
I am weak; just beginning in life.

I am young;
I don’t know the difference
Between right and wrong.

Be my friend;
Uphold me with your strong wings.
Guide and protect me in my youth.

Give me power.

Strength.

Love.

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